Neha Neelwarne

Let me begin by clarifying that I am not, and have never been, an athletic person. As a kid, I avoided P.E. if I could help it. And although I enjoy exploring the wilderness, the idea of climbing up steep mountains for miles is not exciting to me. In fact, it invokes some fear.

Because of my fear, although I had harbored a desire to visit Mt. Rainier’s Tolmie Peak for many years, I wasn’t ready to commit to the climb.

Things changed however in the summer of 2020, when we had a death in the family. And all I wanted at the time was to runaway. Run from thinking about it, communicating about it, picking up the phone from another well-meaning person to talk about it etc, etc. When I ran out of tears at the nonsensical nature of it all, I somehow grew an appetite for pain, I think it was something I could replace the feelings of sadness and guilt that I didn’t want to feel anymore.

To be honest, this is the best I can do at the moment to explain what I was going through.

This is when I decided that hiking to the top of Tolmie Peak in Mt. Rainier was an acceptable distraction and would cause enough suffering and exhaustion to take my mind off of things. There would also be no cell phone signal, an added bonus.

To be clear, Tolmie Peak isn’t a massively difficult hike. It’s around 7 miles out and back, but for someone like me, the thought of climbing for miles is not that easy.

Now, on to Mt. Rainier itself.

As a Portlander, I’m used to having Mt. Hood hovering in the background of most of my outdoor activities, so I’ve grown accustomed to the beauty of the mountains being ever-present. But Mt. Rainier is HUGE compared to Mt. Hood. It’s an enormous giant (and let’s hope it doesn’t wake up for a very long time).

Tolmie Peak

It took us approximately 4.5 hours of driving from Portland to reach the Tolmie Peak trailhead. We drove on a gravel road for the last 30 minutes, but there was very little traffic, and the road was wide enough, so we didn’t have any issues navigating the rough patches.

The parking lot was full by the time we got there so we parked almost half a mile away on the side of the road (and got a warning for it afterwards…eek! 😬).

Although it was August, it was icy and we were glad to have packed our microspikes.

The trailhead starts off with a beautiful lake, and almost immediately we begin the climb…

It felt like hours and hours of climbing, we took it slow knowing that we could spare a few more hours of sunlight. We packed light, but made sure to bring high carb and protein snacks, as well as lots of water. We ran out of the water about an hour into the hike 😂.

After the hours of climbing, we reached Eunice Lake and it was a magnificent sight. Until…I caught a glimpse of the Lookout (our actual destination) and still how far up in the clouds it was. I almost mothereffing cried! How was I going to make it all the way up there!!!

Let me tell you, that the last bit climbing up the peak were probably the slowest miles I have ever hiked. I’m pretty sure I took a break every 2 minutes.

So…when we got to the top was it all worth it??

Yes and No.

1. No because Mt Rainier was clouded that day, I could just imagine how magnificent it would have looked like from the lookout and was frustrated that I couldn’t experience it firsthand.
2. No also because there were too many goddamned kids (i.e. college students) being loud and obnoxious at the top and I just wanted to sit in peace.

Now to the “yes” of why it was worth it:

1. I conquered my fear of steep ass climbs. There’s no greater feeling than knowing that this one was hard for me but I did it!
2. The exhaustion broke another wall of sadness I had been holding inside me, and as the damn broke, I cried some more. It felt good to let it out and let it flood.

I’l always remember visiting the Mt. Rainier National Park because it was not at all a perfect visit. It was beautiful but also disappointing. It was challenging, but also revealed that I was holding back.

In many ways, I think that’s why I yearn to be in the wilderness to begin with – it’s a truer reflection of the nature of my life than any blogpost or instagram post I could ever make, and it’s also a greater teacher than any book I have ever read.

So there it is, my experiences and feelings on the matter. Because Mt. Rainer is so close to us, we will probably visit again. What’s another hike we should do here? 🤔