Neha Neelwarne

I’ve heard many times over that having a child changes a lot about a person’s life and outlook. Here are some fundamental changes I’ve observed in my way of thinking after having a baby.

1). Finding my “Life Purpose” is beside the point

Before having a kid I spent a lot of time on introspection and pondering the deeper things in life. It always seemed like the most important question – “what is the meaning of life?” “what am I here to do/accomplish?” “what is my purpose?” All other questions and activities branched out from the need to land on satisfactory answers to these.

I wouldn’t say I’m less introspective now, but having that “aha!” moment where I land on my life’s purpose, or “solve the God equation” is beside the point.

It’s hard to explain why this is not as worthy of a goal to pursue for me anymore, but living in the moment, creating a happy, healthy, safe life with my family is what matters.

Perhaps the meaning of life is to live.

And nothing makes me more alive than when I’m with my kid – goo gooing with her, feeding her, changing her, stumbling out of bed at 3am to carry and soothe her…and so on.

2). I’m less cynical

I’m not sure what it is about having more education and access to more resources (like I do) that makes people become cynical – always seeing and expecting the worst.

As soon as I had a kid, I think my ego got taken down a few notches. I’ve had an overwhelming realization that we are quite simple beings, and nature is a formidable and awe-inspiring force. And by “simple beings” I mean that while we’re awe inspiring products of millions of years of evolution resulting in very precise development of our bodies and minds…we are still programmed for living…to feed, shit, rest, socialize, express ourselves, reproduce, nurture…to survive.

Nature, society, self-interest all worked together to make this baby and continue to come together to aid in her survival and happiness. Not everyone wants or can have a baby, and survival can take different forms. But although we are complex beings, I think that at our core we have simple goals. Having a baby has made me understand this and has unlocked the ability to just enjoy the process, experience the joy of being a human without always expecting the worst.

3). I am bolder & more focused

Nothing has helped me prioritize better than having a kid. There is simply less time to dilly dally, and my impulse for safety and stability greater than before.

This is not to say that I’m all of a sudden averse to risk…but I no longer find myself taking risk for risk’s sake. In fact, I’m bolder – I have more courage from the experience of carrying and delivering a baby (I did that!) – and it makes me feel like I can take on the world! I am less scared to take chances, I’m not going to sit on the sidelines afraid to make a move because “what if this” “what if that”…if I lose, I know I have the strength to get back up. But I am also not going to rage for 4 days straight just to “see how far I can go”.

I trust my instincts to focus on the biggest wins, or the most important tasks. This can be professional bets, but also means a heightened emotional intelligence. I don’t second guess when I have a feeling a friend is suffering and do not feel awkward about randomly checking in on that friend. I don’t have time to waste worrying if my hunch is wrong, or if they will think I’m weird. Let them, they’ll get over it. I don’t drag my feet when I know I need to have a difficult conversation – better to get it done, be direct, and be on the other side of it.

There was a time I used to be like this early in my career when I had a lot of pressure on me. It was an unhealthy lifestyle and I was extremely unbalanced. My focus came from fear of failing. Now my focus comes from a stronger, bolder, and courageous place, and the difference is night and day.

These are some changes I’ve noticed in the first two months of motherhood. No doubt things will continue to evolve, and I’m looking forward to experiencing my kid’s childhood with her. Because after all…her childhood is also my motherhood.